“Sheriff Andy Taylor: Now, you can’t be serious about resignin’. What in the world will you do?
Deputy Barney Fife: Oh, I-I don’t know. I could go up to the pickle factory. They always need a brine tester.”
— Barney Fife, The Andy Griffith Show, season 1: Andy the Matchmaker
“And you better gird your loins, buster. You got a fight on your hands.”
— Barney Fife, The Andy Griffith Show, Season 2: Barney’s Replacement
“I ain’t got time to stand around here and discuss trivial trivialities.”
— Barney Fife, The Andy Griffith Show, Season 2: Barney’s Replacement
“Deputy Barney Fife: He got the drop on me.
Sheriff Andy Taylor: You mean he had a gun?
Deputy Barney Fife: Ugh…well…he has NOW.”
— Barney Fife, The Andy Griffith Show, season 1: The Manhunt
“That poor, blind fool. He don’t know it but he’s headed right for Heartbreak Alley.”
— Barney Fife, The Andy Griffith Show, Season 3: Andy’s Rich Girlfriend
“I’m sick of the whole thing, too. You try to bring two people together and what do you get? Heartaches!”
— Barney Fife, The Andy Griffith Show, Season 5: Man in the Middle
“All I’m saying is that there are some things beyond the ken of mortal man that shouldn’t be tampered with. We don’t know everything, Andy. There’s plenty goin’ on right now in the Twilight Zone that we don’t know anything about and I think we oughta stay clear.”
— Barney Fife, The Andy Griffith Show, Season 4: The Haunted House
“Barney Fife: It won’t work.
Andy Taylor: What won’t work?
Barney Fife: You and Peg. That’s what won’t work. Andy, I hate to have to tell you this but you’re gonna have to give her up. Forget about her. Nip it. Nip it in the bud.
Andy Taylor: What’re you talkin’ about?
Barney Fife: You want me to spell it out for ya, huh? All right, I will. Andy, she is one of the rich, and they are different.
Andy Taylor: Oh, come on.
Barney Fife: No, no, no. They are. They’re different. From the minute they’re born with that silver spoon in their hands…
Andy Taylor: Mouth.
Barney Fife: Right…life is different.”
— Barney Fife, The Andy Griffith Show, Season 3: Andy’s Rich Girlfriend